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Welcome to Embody Results!
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Monday, August 8, 2016

Taking Control!

I used to aspire to be Wonder-Woman-meets-Donna-Reed. I'd give 110% to everything/everyone. As you can imagine, that gets tiring. I rode out a lot of stressful times, still doing my best. Then I got blindsided by a particularly stressful time that derailed me. 

It was as though Wonder Woman and Donna Reed bailed and left me to handle their responsibilities as well as mine. Not cool, ladies. Not. Cool. 

It didn't take long for my stress level to spike so high that I started to shut down. As I faltered, I started to focus on my shortcomings. I was battling depression on an epic scale that I hadn't experienced in years. It took hold of my very soul and slowly...agonizingly...sucked the life out of me. 

I didn't deal with it. Yes, I took medicine, but it didn't work. (I now know that it was bipolar, not depression, which is possibly why.) I could no longer see a way out. I was stuck and this was my life now and I could no longer hide it. What did I do then? I made a counter productive decision.

Instead of working on myself, I worked on everyone else's understanding of my illness. I consistently pointed out how hard life is when you're battling a mental illness. (Not gonna lie, it's pretty damn hard.) It was like I wanted everyone to understand why I couldn't do things. Why I was overwhelmed...exhausted...anxious...distant...needy.... If everyone either understood my pain or were in awe of it, I could continue to wallow and spiral down, down, down.

Mental health is VERY important and we need to eliminate the stigma surrounding it. Using it as an excuse, however, has the opposite effect. Insisting that your family and friends cater to you and excuse your poor behavior, negative attitude, or lack of focus, only perpetuates the idea that mental illness makes us less than. 

What I'm saying is that I am NOT bipolar. I HAVE bipolar. It isn't me and it doesn't own me. I still make the decisions about how I act and how I treat others. The illness I battle isn't everyone else's responsibility. It's mine. 

So I'm done hiding behind bipolar, depression, anxiety, or ADHD. I'm not going to continually expect others to cater to my illness. I am, instead, going to deal with my issues and work on being the best version of myself that I possibly can. I may share helpful information, knowledge, and experiences, but I won't be doing it to excuse myself from fulfilling my obligations, keeping my promises, hurting anyone, or being lazy. I'll be honest when I'm having a bad day, but I won't insist that anyone else make it better for me. 

Here's to new beginnings and finding Wonder Woman and Donna Reed again! 

I have received a LOT of support from people through my posts here and I appreciate EVERY one of you!!! 






3 comments:

  1. Such a positive message because so many kids I know are dealing with bipolar... And it's hard for them and their parents to see this side of things. And knowing what you have shared about nutrition and after I read through the book Nutrient Power I applaud this even more!!

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    1. Thank you, Barbara! I'm going to need to look for that book. :-)

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  2. I love this. Changing from I AM to I HAVE is a huge difference, and I think it needs to happen more. And this whole "personal responsibility" thing you include... there needs to be so. much. MORE of that - all around!
    You're the awesomest!! ;)

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